hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
