Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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