Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
