I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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