i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
