when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize