I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
COCAINE IS GR8
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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