The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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