just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
