i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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