hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize