Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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