after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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