You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
