you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You made out with two different species that night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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