The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
