I think my fart just growled at me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
