Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Let's get the cat blown out
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
