I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
