I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
