So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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