the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
