Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
