Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
