Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize