Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
