I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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