i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
