i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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