He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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