It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
