I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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