I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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