She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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