We named our party play list daddy issues
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
