that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
