i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
