so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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