haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
