my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
