everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
