Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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