she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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