just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
