come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
