only you would photoshop your dick
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize