U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
