his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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