I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
