if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
