i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
