dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
