I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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