I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize