his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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