im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
