Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
