Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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