My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
