if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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