I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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