yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
