life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
