All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You work out of a Hotel?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
