dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
