the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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