arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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