god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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