Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
