Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
