he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
