Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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