Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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