I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
