I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
