The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so let's talk penis.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize