Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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