Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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