what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize