FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
