the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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