so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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