Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't think brook has ever known best
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
