Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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