I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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