btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize