Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
