all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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