wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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