So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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