he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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