Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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