Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
