Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
