We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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