The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
