the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
