I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
