Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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