he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
