omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
