i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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