I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
did i just pee glitter
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
