he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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