I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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