Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
