I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
